Why retouching is a very personal topic

I was born and raised in Bulgaria. The city that I come from is relatively small. Growing up as a teenager in Bulgaria, I was not exposed to many teen or fashion magazines. Most of the magazines back then were expensive so my parents were not able to afford giving me money for magazines every single week. And to be honest there were not that many fashion magazines published in Bulgaria, back then.  The aftermath of communism still existed. I remember seeing once in the store a version of Italian Vogue. For some reason it was wrapped in plastics and I could not even take a look inside. Of course I have seen images of models and celebrities, mostly on TV though or in some newspapers.  In my free time I used to read a book, go biking or just hang out with friends.

In 2004, I decided to come to the United States and continue my education here. I was 18- years –old back then. I decided to come to New York because I have been always interested in different cultures. After all, New York is one of the most diverse cities in the world. And here I was…several months after graduating high school I was ready to face the challenges that the big city offers.

I was dazzled by the skyscrapers, the shiny stores and the fashion around me . It was all new to me and I wanted to explore it all.  I remember the first time that I went to Time Square … I fell in love with all the billboards depicting gorgeous models. Then I “discovered “the fashion magazines, and simply got obsessed. I was in love with Elle, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, but my favorite of them all was Vogue. I remember looking at the photos in these magazines for hours, admiring the gorgeous women depicted. I was buying a dream and most importantly wanted to be part of the dream. As a result I started being obsessed with the way I look. I was spending crazy amount of money on all different beauty products, personal trainer, and clothing. My goal was to achieve perfection. Unfortunately, this obsession had negative impact on my life. As a result I was not performing well in school and had to skip one semester. It also had a great impact on my relationships with men because I was always feeling insecure.

 Three years ago I started internship in a company specializing in retouching. I have heard about retouching before I started working in the institution but was not familiar how it works. I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to explore to what extend the images that we see in magazines are retouched. It was a wakeup call! I realized that I was missing my real self. I was trying to look like one of these women on the commercials without realizing that it is actually IMPOSIBLE. These women do not exist. 99.9 % of the images that we see are artificially created.  Magazines are selling a dream. It is good to look at the dream. However, do not try to be part of it because it is unhealthy and the image that you want to achieve is unattainable.